My son asked me to teach him the prayer I stopped believing

Dear Delyara, I left my religion years ago after my sister died. My son is nine and knows almost nothing about it. Tonight, he found my mother’s old prayer beads and asked what they were for. I explained. Then he asked me to teach him one of the prayers. I froze. I could still recite it perfectly. The words were built into my mouth long before belief became complicated. I told him I do not really pray that way anymore. He said, “That’s okay. Grandma did, right?” She did. So I taught him. He repeated each line badly, mispronouncing words she would have corrected instantly. Halfway through, I became emotional and he asked if the prayer was sad. I said no. I did not know how to explain that words can become sad because people who once said them are gone. We finished. He wrapped the beads around his hand and asked if he could keep them beside his bed. I said yes. I still do not know what I believe. Tonight, faith felt less like belief and more like passing my mother’s rhythm into the mouth of a child who never heard her say it.