My son sounds like my father when he is angry

Dear Delyara, My father was violent. My son is fourteen and has never hit me, his sister, or anyone else in this house. Still, when he shouts, his voice drops into the same register my father used before violence began. Yesterday, my son slammed his bedroom door after I took his phone away. I grabbed his arm when he tried to pass me. Too hard. He looked shocked and said, “Mum, you’re hurting me.” I released him immediately. The red marks from my fingers disappeared within minutes. Mine did not. I sat in the bathroom staring at my hands because I have spent my entire motherhood promising myself the violence ended with me. My son later apologized for shouting. I apologized for grabbing him. He shrugged and asked for dinner. For him, perhaps it was one bad argument. For me, it opened every locked room from childhood. I am terrified that fear of becoming my father will make me control my son until I resemble him in a different way.