Seattle, USA

My wife learned when not to encourage me

Dear Delyara, After cancer treatment, everyone encouraged me constantly. “You’ve got this.” “Stay positive.” “Keep fighting.” My wife did it too until one night I told her I was exhausted by being brave. She stopped immediately. We developed a question: Do you want encouragement, solutions, or company? Sometimes I choose encouragement. Sometimes I want help calling the doctor. Sometimes I want her to sit beside me and agree that the situation is terrible. Last week, a scan showed another area needing investigation. I came home frightened. She asked the question. I said company. We sat on the sofa eating toast without discussing cancer for an hour. Gratitude is not only having someone who knows what to say. It is having someone willing to learn that love occasionally means resisting the urge to say anything hopeful at all.