No Direction

Dear Delyara, I am 34 years old and I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life. People say that with a laugh, like it’s charming. But I’m not joking. I really don’t know. I chose a degree because I was scared. I stayed in jobs because I needed rent money. I smiled through years I did not want because I thought one day things would suddenly become clear. They didn’t. Now I watch people around me moving forward with confidence, and I feel like I missed a train I was never even told to board. I am tired of pretending I have a plan. I don’t. I have anxiety, bills, and a quiet fear that I am becoming someone I never chose to be.