Old hurt still decides how much room I think I’m allowed to take

Dear Delyara, That’s one of the saddest ways I feel it now. Not always in obvious pain. In measurement. How much can I say? How directly? How much truth before I need to soften it? How much feeling before I should make it smaller for the room? These calculations happen too quickly to feel fully chosen. That’s how I know old pain is still making quiet decisions through me. It decides the size of my presence before the present moment has earned that right. That still hurts to realize.