Old hurt still edits how early I apologize

Dear Delyara, I noticed again this week how quickly I move to soften myself before anyone has even asked me to. An apology arrives, or a disclaimer, or a tone that says “I know I might be too much, so let me reduce myself in advance.” It’s astonishing how automatic that remains in certain spaces. I know it comes from somewhere older. That doesn’t stop it. Old pain has a way of staying alive not only in obvious triggers, but in habits of self-reduction that become so normal you almost mistake them for personality. That thought made me sad this week.