Old hurt still edits how much I reveal

Dear Delyara, I’m realizing how often the present gets shaped by older damage in quiet ways. Not always in obvious fear. In editing. How much I reveal. How quickly I reveal it. How much cushioning I put around a truth before offering it. How fast I apologize. How quickly I make myself easier than I really am. The old wound isn’t always screaming. Sometimes it’s just selecting the wording. That is a subtle kind of haunting. And a tiring one.