Old pain still arranges my posture before my mind gets a vote

Dear Delyara, Not always physically. Emotionally. How much of me leans in. How much holds back. How quickly I soften. How ready I am to apologize. How fast I become small in anticipation of possible friction. These things still happen too early to feel fully chosen. That’s how I know the past is still making some decisions in the present. I hate how invisible that can look from the outside. And how ordinary it has come to feel from the inside.