Old pain still chooses the volume of some present moments

Dear Delyara, This is what I find hardest. Not that I was hurt. That old hurt still influences intensity. A small silence can feel larger than it is. A tiny shift in tone can feel like a much older abandonment. A moment of confusion can open a trapdoor into something that happened years ago and should not logically have this much say over the current room. And yet, it does. I know it intellectually. The body still reacts first. That gap between understanding and reaction remains one of the most tiring things I carry.