Old pain still makes me pre-soften the truth before it has even entered the room

Dear Delyara, I see it in myself constantly now. I adjust my language before anyone reacts. I cushion the edges before anyone is cut. I reduce the force of my own feeling before the room has asked me to. And because it happens so early, it can feel like personality instead of history. But it isn’t only personality. It is old pain anticipating consequence. That realization has made me sad in a very adult way. Not dramatic sadness. The kind that comes when you realize how many of your social instincts are really just old survival responses made elegant enough to pass.