One phone call with my mother can still make me feel like I have done life wrong

Dear Delyara, She does not need to shout. That’s the difficult part. It can be one sentence. One little note of disappointment. One comparison. One “I just worry about you” delivered in that tone that makes concern feel like criticism wearing perfume. And suddenly I can feel my whole body going younger. More apologetic. More defensive. More confused about whether I have actually made a mistake or simply been spoken to as though I had. I hate how quickly that old choreography still returns in me. I hate the drive home after those calls most of all, because by then the conversation is technically over and I am still carrying it like a bruise I can’t show anyone. I am a grown woman. Some days my body does not know that fast enough.