SHE STOPPED ANSWERING AFTER I TOLD HER THE TRUTH

Dear Delyara, My best friend asked why I had been canceling plans. I told her about the depression. Not the polished version. The real version. I told her I had stopped showering regularly. I told her I sometimes sat in my car outside work because I could not make myself go inside. I told her I was frightened of my own thoughts. She said, “You know I’m always here.” That was three weeks ago. She has not answered my last four messages. I can see her posting online. Dinner with coworkers. Drinks. A weekend trip. Maybe she is overwhelmed. Maybe I scared her. Maybe “always here” was meant only for sadness that remains attractive and easy to carry. I wish I had kept lying. Before I told her, I was lonely but still had a best friend. Now I am lonely and embarrassed that I believed the truth would bring someone closer.