Sober Mirror

Dear Delyara, Today I have been sober for eleven months. That sentence still surprises me. There was a time when I could not imagine getting through one weekend without disappearing into a bottle. I told people I drank because life was stressful. The truth is, I drank because I did not want to feel myself. I did not want to sit with grief, shame, loneliness, or the version of me that came out when the room was finally quiet. Recovery has been humiliating in the most honest way. There is nowhere to hide in sobriety. You have to meet yourself fully. You have to listen to the excuses you used to survive and decide whether they still get to run your life. I still have hard nights. I still miss the numbness sometimes. But now, when I look in the mirror, I recognize the person looking back. That is worth more than the escape ever gave me.