Some days I don’t know whether I need company, sleep, prayer, or to be left alone

Dear Delyara, That uncertainty is one of the hardest things to live with. If I knew clearly what I needed, at least I could move toward it. But confusion is fog. It leaves me standing in the middle of my own life, trying on different forms of relief and finding none of them quite fit properly. A phone call feels too much. Silence feels too loud. Rest feels impossible. Productivity feels false. Food isn’t the answer. Neither is another scroll. Neither is pretending. I think some of the most difficult suffering is not sharp suffering. It is vague suffering. The kind you can’t easily point at or explain, and therefore can’t quite soothe with accuracy. That was me yesterday. A person standing in fog, still expected to function like a map.