Some pain made me colder before it made me wiser

Dear Delyara, I don’t like admitting that I have felt hate. It doesn’t fit the version of myself I prefer. But there have been moments when pain didn’t make me spiritual or mature or forgiving. It made me colder. Sharper. Less interested in empathy and more interested in distance, punishment, or the idea of someone finally understanding what they had cost. I’m not proud of that. But I think pretending all pain refines us is dishonest. Some pain hardens us first.