Sometimes I delay because I cannot bear my wanting to become public

Dear Delyara, I may be ready enough technically. What I’m not ready for is visibility. The kind that comes when wanting stops being private and becomes part of your social reality. Once you try, people know what matters to you. Once people know, failure has witnesses. Even success has exposure. So I keep things in development. In draft. In “almost.” In preparation. It looks thoughtful from outside. Inside, often, it is fear trying to keep desire protected from daylight. I am learning to name that more quickly. I haven’t fully outgrown it.