Sometimes I don’t start because I can’t bear being seen wanting it properly

Dear Delyara, I’ve been thinking about that distinction a lot. Wanting something quietly is one thing. Wanting it in a way that becomes visible is another. Once other people know what matters to you, failure feels less like an event and more like exposure. It says something out loud about what you reached for and didn’t get. That is a very raw thing for me. So I delay. I prepare. I improve the draft. I “wait for the right moment.” I know enough now to admit that the right moment is often just a myth built by fear to sound intelligent. But it still works on me more than I want it to.