The Ceiling at 4:00 AM

Dear Delyara, Do you know the sound of a heart beating too fast in a silent room? It’s the sound of anxiety, a drumbeat that tells you everything is going to go wrong. I have spent a thousand nights staring at the ceiling, counting my mistakes like sheep. I’ve lived in a state of "emergency" for so long that I don't know how to relax. I came here tonight because I needed the walls to hold me up. I wrote down every "what-if" and every "not-enough" that haunts my sleep. I laid them out like a deck of cards. Looking at them now, they look so small compared to the vastness of the stars. I am breathing deeply for the first time in months. The emergency is over. I am safe in the silence.