The children were laughing and I still wanted silence

Dear Delyara, I hate admitting that. It would be easier if they were being difficult. But no — they were genuinely happy, making each other laugh over something stupid, loud in that alive and healthy way children are when nothing is wrong. And I still wanted quiet more than I wanted to join in. That is one of the painful truths of tired motherhood. Sometimes even joy is too noisy to receive properly when your body has already been over-entered all day. I loved them. I also wanted them to stop. Both things were true. I don’t think that makes me bad. I think it makes me worn out.