The coral reef grew back without the scientist I was going to become

Dear Delyara, I studied marine biology because I wanted to spend my life restoring damaged reefs. During my doctorate, my partner became ill, funding ended, and I accepted an insurance job “for one year.” That was eleven years ago. Today, I watched a documentary about a restoration project using a method similar to the one I proposed in my unfinished thesis. Young scientists were attaching coral fragments while speaking about hope, adaptation, and the privilege of working underwater. I recognized one of them. She had been a student in the laboratory where I once taught. My husband is well now. Our bills are paid. I have been promoted twice and am considered dependable. Everyone treats my departure from science as a sensible adult decision. I do too, until I see clear water and white branching coral on a screen. My diving equipment is in the garage, the rubber hardened with age. The university still emails me requests for alumni donations. Tonight, I opened my thesis file. The final chapter ends in the middle of a sentence. I have been telling myself the dream died because life required something else. Watching that reef, I wondered whether it died at all or simply learned to grow in a world where I was no longer present to see it.