The doctor said “probably benign,” and now every hour has a question mark

Dear Delyara, They found a mass on my liver during a scan for something unrelated. The radiologist said it is “probably benign” but wants further imaging. Probably. One word has changed the texture of every ordinary thing. I made dinner tonight and wondered whether I will be making the same meal a year from now. My daughter complained about homework, and I stared at her face so intensely that she asked what was wrong. I said nothing. My husband keeps repeating that most findings like this are harmless. He has searched statistics and wants me to stop imagining the worst. I want to stop too. The appointment is in nine days. Until then, I am neither ill nor well. I am a person carrying an image on a screen that may mean nothing and has already become the center of my body. I can feel it now, even though I never could before the scan. Every ache has become evidence. Every future plan feels presumptuous. Uncertainty is strange because nothing has happened yet, and still it has entered every room before me.