The doctor says the baby may inherit what I gave her

Dear Delyara, I have a genetic condition that I did not know about until pregnancy testing found it. The baby has a fifty percent chance of inheriting it. My husband says we could never have known. The genetic counselor says nobody is to blame. Still, every time the baby moves, I think: What did I give you? My own symptoms are manageable now, but I spent much of childhood in hospitals. I remember surgeries, needles, missing school, my mother sleeping upright beside my bed. I had always imagined that if I became a mother, I would protect my child from the frightened life I had. Instead, my body may have written the same possibility into hers before she was large enough to have a name. We could have further testing before birth. I keep postponing the decision because knowing will not change whether I love her, and not knowing is slowly consuming me. My husband places his hand on my stomach and talks to her every night. I cannot tell him that sometimes I am afraid to touch her because guilt makes my own body feel like the first dangerous thing she ever encountered.