THE FIRST MORNING I DIDN’T CHECK THE MEDICINE CABINET

Dear Delyara, After knee surgery, I became dependent on prescription opioids. At first, I took them for pain. Later, I took them because facing the morning without them felt impossible. I hid pills in coffee tins, glove compartments, and the pocket of an old bathrobe. My recovery began when my wife found me unconscious on the bathroom floor. I entered a supervised treatment program. My doctor created a tapering plan. I attended group meetings even when I hated every person in the room. I called my sponsor at 2 a.m. more than once. My wife kept the medication locked and handed me each dose until there were no doses left. Today marks one year without opioids. This morning, I brushed my teeth, made coffee, and walked out of the bathroom without opening the medicine cabinet. I didn’t realize until I was downstairs. For years, that cabinet was the first place my eyes went every morning. Today, I looked through the kitchen window first. There was snow on the yard. I stood there crying because the world had become visible before the pills did.