The library book my daughter never returned

Dear Delyara, My daughter died when she was seventeen, and today the local library sent a notice saying one of her books is twelve years overdue. The title is A Beginner’s Guide to Astronomy. I found it on the top shelf of her old wardrobe, still covered in the clear plastic the library used back then. Inside, she had underlined a sentence about how the light from some stars keeps travelling long after the stars themselves are gone. She drew a small arrow beside it and wrote, “This is beautiful and horrible.” I sat on the floor reading those five words in her handwriting until my legs went numb. The library fine has reached the maximum amount, £25, and the letter says I can either return the book or pay for its replacement. I could do both easily. Instead, I phoned and told the librarian I was still looking for it. I lied because returning the book feels like giving back the last thing my daughter borrowed from the world. It still has her train ticket tucked between pages 114 and 115. It still smells faintly of the vanilla spray she used too much. I know it belongs to the library. I also know she once chose it, carried it home, and believed she had enough time to finish reading it.