The lock on the chest of unshared tears

Dear Delyara, My wife looks at me and sees a rock—a husband who is strong, protective, and completely unbothered by the chaos of the world. She doesn't know that my private diary is filled with a desperate, crying plea for relief. She doesn't know that when I am on my twelve-hour night watch, I sometimes have to lock myself in the staff bathroom just to let my chest heave with a silent, suffocating panic attack before wiping my face and stepping back out into the security monitors. I am keeping these secrets to protect her peace of mind, to make sure she feels safe in our life, but the cost of that silence is a loneliness that is slowly hollowed out my heart. I am a guardian who has built a fortress so strong that even the people I love cannot reach me inside.