The Past Changes Shape at Night

Dear Delyara, My regrets are worse at night. During the day, life is louder. Tasks interrupt. People require things. There is motion, structure, distraction. But at night the past gets more room. That’s when decisions come back in different clothing. That’s when I revisit conversations and choices and endings and wonder if one slightly different move would have changed more than I can bear to calculate. I know regret is useless in excess. That knowledge doesn’t stop it. Sometimes the past changes shape in the dark and becomes large enough to sit at the edge of the bed.