There are rooms where my body becomes obedient before my mind agrees to it

Dear Delyara, That is one of the loneliest things trauma still does in me. I become more careful, more manageable, more alert to emotional consequence than to my own truth. It happens early, and often so quietly that no one would identify it from the outside. Yet internally, I can feel the reduction clearly. The body knows certain atmospheres too fast. It obeys before it believes. That is such an exhausting way to still be carrying history.