Work Made Me Doubt My Voice

Dear Delyara, I do not mean only confidence in the broad motivational sense. I mean the actual sound of my voice. The right to ask. To clarify. To question. To disagree. To take up space in a meeting without immediately needing to soften the edges of myself into something more acceptable. Certain work environments teach women a very specific fear. Not of speaking at all, but of speaking in their real size. Too direct, too emotional, too difficult, too visible, too something. I learned that fear. And even after leaving some rooms, I can still feel it reaching for me in new ones. That is what makes me angry. Not just what work cost me then. What it still tries to charge me now.